Mollyisms and whatever else is bouncing around the room...

Thursday, January 15, 2009


Alright, I give.

Not even one week after my boyfriend and I broke things off, I'm actually missing him. After spending the past few days revisiting all the reasons he sucks, it's 9:15 and really cold outside and I miss him.

I'm not going to fool myself with delusions of undying love for this guy. I always knew I didn't really want to spend forever with him, but there were times when I started to contemplate the idea and it didn't seem so crazy. He would love me and protect me, and that's reassuring. The idea of having someone who will look out for you brings up the warm-and-fuzzy feelings that are, in turn, making my eyes tear up a little bit right now.

I will have to remind myself of all the reasons the ex-boyfriend is crazy later. Right now I think even though the relationship barely lasted 4 months, I can still mourn. It sucks to sleep alone.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Knocked Up

I feel like everyone in this world is preggers right now. I happily exclude myself from these statistics, but if you aren't (and don't want to get knocked up) I would stop reading now and make a conscious decision NOT to be my friend. It seems to be catching.

There is going to be a serious baby boom, beginning in May, I can feel it. My sister is due sometime during that month. I will be in Alaska already, so I consider it a good omen for little Gianna (who I will call GIGI). My first neice was born while I was in Alaska and I got to meet her when I came home the next month. It was a surprise visit and my little nugget of a neice was pretty cool. She still is. Gigi is going to be a great kid and I will be able to commisserate with her about what a giant pain in the ass big sisters can be (her mom is my big).

Other than that, not one, but three friends just came out of the closet about harboring a parasite (those with some tact and taste would say being pregnant). As a non-mother who has never been pregnant, I recognize it's perfectly natural to be pregnant. It is possibly the most natural thing ever, but if I have to support some little being off the nutrients I put into my body (and have to lay off the sauce) this thing is a parasite. It can stop being a parasite -- even during the pregancy-- once I have something human to associate with it, like a gender.

I am happy for my friends and family. Thrilled for most, in fact, but this is all tempered by ay n inward sigh of relief I breathe when I receive confirmation from my body that I am not pregnant.

I am 27 years old. I think I used to want to have babies by now, but now that I'm here, I have no desire. I broke up with the mercurial boyfriend on Monday and got my period on Tuesday. I was probably a little more thrilled than I usually am.

I would still love to have children one day. It's something I've always wanted to do, but I have now become comfortable with the idea of taking my 20s for myself, pursuing a career and developing interests (bolstered by my string of failed relationships and flings). So comfortable, in fact, that pregancy seems like it would be the worst thing in the world to happen to me.

It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that I have yet to meet a man who I would want to father my children. I think that's clutch. Maybe not for some people, but I just don't think I'm strong enough genetically, mentally of physically to make up for a real piece of shit baby daddy. I mess things up enough for myself, I can't go create another person to mess things up for.

Basically, the concept of being responsible for the creation of another human being for the rest of my life is a little too much for me right now.

Sunday, January 11, 2009


My boyfriend and I just broke up and it was awesome.
I met my EXboyfriend at a Keller Williams concert in September. He walked up to me and my friend, Lisa, who he already knew and asked us if was abrasive.
Well, being someone who has (wrongly) been accused of being abrasive herself, I took the bait and replied.
"Well, I just met you, but no," I said. "Of course you are not being abrasive, you were probably just being honest."
After he bought me my third tanqueray and tonic, I led him back to my house where I took advantage of him, and he the same of me.
Well, my one-night-stand held on for slightly more than 4 months, but it looks like I might just be free. I mean, I suppose I should be upset. I was for about 3 minutes and then I checked the lock on my door and removed the spare key from underneath our welcome mat.
I am free!