Inspiration

Not long before my car accident happened 4 years ago, I wrote about my need for inspiration in a new journal. It was winter, life was dull and at 23 with no end of the monotony* of going to college in sight, I thought I wasn't getting anywhere. My inspiration occurred about 2 weeks later with the car accident.

ation: action or process...
inspire: To affect, guide, or arouse by divine influence....

motive: An emotion, desire, physiological need, or similar impulse that acts as an incitement to action...

Watching my president speak tonight brought me back to the whole idea of inspiration and what it really means. If the above definitions hold true, then in both circumstances (inspiration and motivation) the words are definately talking about "doing" something. The difference is just how you get there.

Motivation describes something that comes from inside yourself.
Inspiration comes from something else, something higher and more advanced, divine.

I think maybe I should have been asking for motivation in that journal entry years ago. Motivation keeps it in my own hands, my own control. Inspiration comes from the divine. Ever heard the phrase 'God works in mysterious ways?"

Exactly.

Today I will ask for motivation.


*monotony is the word I would have used for it then. Today, I look back on a time of a new rich boyfriend with unlimited money to spend and remember it wasn't all that mononous. After all, it took 3 weeks to wake up after I finally passed out. None of it was monotonous, just unfulfilling.

Prom

I finally made it out in public in the prom dress and it was pretty.

PRETTY SCARY! Ahhh!

The concept was good, but we showed up and were the oldest people there. The girl I used to work with threw "prom" in her garage.

There were some pictures was taken in front of a backdrop she set up, and there was all kinds of streamers and crap hanging from the ceiling in neon colors. It was festive for sure, but everybody was young really young.

Most of the people got dressed up too, especially girls, but it was more of an 80s party than a prom party, except for the backdrop. Me, I just had this "prom" dress I got at the Salvation Army, but no matter how much blue eyeshadow I put on, my reach really exceeded my grasp.

The dress just had nothing 80s like about it, it was just the only one that fit. Terrible. These pictures are doing a number on my psyche, but to cope with it I just need to own my embarrassment. Therefore, I am posting this blog and going tanning because I am so pale I am practically translucent.

In my defense, the premise I was operating on when I left was this picture: taken at my house before leaving. It was on my phone and the lighting is well, different. The pictures in that bright light are somethin', I tell you what. In this picture, I still look sober and I think that's before I got the royal BLUE treatment.

I just looked like a crazy person, and then, I went to Wawa and saw these girls there that I thought had been at the party. They seemed sorta 80ish, I thought, so I went up and started talking to them like they had been there. They looked at me and my big "more blue, you need more blue!" eyes and laughed in my face.

I didn't really care because I was hammered off cheap pinot grigio, so I just started laughing hysterically and walking around wawa in the getup. At least I had a long coat on over it.

Everybody started smoking inside the garage too and now that I'm not a smoker it got to me more. Not that I ever really liked cigarette smoke on its second round anyway, but still, it got close... And the very bestest part of the smoking thing???

Remember all those streamers coming from the ceiling?

No, the place didn't go up in flames, don't worry, but I left before it had a chance to go up, or down, or anywhere.

Moral of the story?

I think I'm too old for prom.

This stuff really works!

While I was at the newspaper, I tried to sort of promote the things I was interested in through the stories I pitched. Really, this practice isn't all that uncommon, seeing how writers have to write so much so often. Might as well make it something I'm interested in, right?


So, aside from being educated about global warming and the damage of littering (the crying Indian was burned into my mind while I was still in preschool), I still didn't really get behind green lifestyles until I went to Alaska in 2007.


This was still light years ahead of Sussex County it seemed, when I proposed the idea of a Going Green section in my paper and my editor looked at me like I was a silly hippie as she drove off in her Jeep XXL Durango Wrangler Denali Beast Commander with a pink hawaiian lei hanging from the rear view.



Anyway, I did manage to slip in some articles about how to live a more eco-friendly lifestyle. I managed to slip some stuff into the real estate section over the spring about making your spring cleaning green. A new all-natural cleaning business opened in town, so I could slip that into the business cover. I wrote 8 covers for about 6 different sections each week, so with a little creativity, I finagled some stuff in.

I also wrote a piece about cleaning green for a web site I regularly contributed to after leaving Alaska, Life More Natural, but I so rarely clean that I had very little opportunity to try too many of these natural remedies.

I have, however, been pleased to find the market is filling with natural cleaners produced by large companies so there is a wider variety without the need to mix it up at home. Lazy as it sounds, I just don't have the ambition to not only acquire all the common household items (ie: baking soda, vinegar, lemons, squirt bottle) but mix up the solutions these natural remedies call for. If I have those items, it is for a purpose already. Like, if I use all the baking soda from my fridge, how will I keep it from getting stinky sometimes?

Before you chastise me for my laziness, you should be happy to hear I am changing my ways. With these new mass-produced items, I can clean green without making a kitchen laboratory. I just tried it tonight with some Clorox Green Works, which kicked the Lysol Kitchen's ass at cleaning my stove. Even though the green works was meant for bathroom usage (not like I stuck it directly in the crapper before I cleaned my stove. I just figured a cleaner is a cleaner, right?) it still delivered a shining, almost spotless stove (I've done some damage to the flat-top with my inadeqacies as a chef- take out is always a little safer with me.)

The all-natural stuff worked wonders! I mean, I had been slathering that lysol chemical configuration of (probably) carcingoens over my surfaces to sorta-clean them (but leave all the residue and reminants) but the stuff made with coconut extracts and lemons gave me the sparking stove you see here.
On the other end of the spectrum is the traditional Lysol kitchen cleaner. I'm working with only my phone for my art on this thing (and the stuff I snag online), so this picture is pretty fuzzy, but the warning labels on traditional products make you really unsure why we ever believed this was the best way to live.

Though you probably can't read this, the Lysol said "do not keep in close proximity to humans or domesic animals"

And this is a "household" cleaner.

Obviously, if you keep on using this stuff, you might want to relocate to the garage, like my dad or your husband.

Falling into places

Big news today! I got hired in Alaska!

I talked to one of the guy who runs the kitchen today and got really psyched. It is just so different there. Magical. The place I worked is the only bar in Denali with live music regularly and independent ownership. I love it there. They have rules that make sense and they are all very strict, but not without reason.
They have a rule that employees can't have alcohol 8 hours prior to their shift. 10 or 12 if they are driving. I love that.
How wonderful. Alcohol is my biggest vice, though I have six other "close seconds."
I like working at this place (and the money is good enough), I don't even mind living in a shack all summer with no heat, electric, water, plumbing inside. Just a couple mattresses on a thin carpet and a sleeping bag.


What am I talking about? I can't wait to get there! I might switch shantys this summer, I scouted them out when I was there before. I might not. It doesn't matter when you are living in Neverland.

In other news, the plan to drive is out. It would be a wonderful stunt, yes, but in all, it was an expensive and time consuming endeavor. Too much to be classified as a stunt.

Dark Side of the Moon

What a weekend. Good, bad, ugly, sad.



I lost a friend. I used to babysit this guy. RIP Andrew Geyer. Tragic.


I dressed for prom, but didn't go. That was on Valentine's Day night. A bar was hosting an 80s prom party so I went to the Salvation Army, bought a dress and teased my hair. I also drank most of bottle of wine. I lost my nerve and woke up on Sunday to a beam of sunlight that found its way through the crack in my blinds and into my retina.


Really, I'm not too bummed about missing prom. A girl I used to work with is hosting an 80s prom party of her own this weekend. Round two, ding ding.


This girl who is hosting the prom party is also largely responsible for another episode of my weekend. I got FIRED on Thursday. Fucking Fired. I've never been fired, but I don't really care. Now I will have more time to write and will just have to cut costs so I can live within my means: unemployment.


In brighter news, I decided now that I have no job in addition to unemployment, but I am still being paid to do nothing, I will dedicate myself to writing with renewed vigor.


I attended my first freewrite with the Rehoboth Beach Writers Guild. If was awesome. They have 5 of them each week and now, they will be my workshops.

I think I have an idea for a book. They were really receptive to my Alaska stories at the freewrite. I want to write a novella of short stories based mostly on my own stories and experiences, mixed in with a little dramatic irony.

The book will be titled Dark Side of the Moon and the door to my shanty in Alaska will be on the cover.

Crazy Daytime Broads

I'm watching the last hour of the Today show because lately I have the schedule of homemaker, but none of the responsibilities.
Consequently, I have really gotten back into daytime tv.

Right now, I really can't wait for The View. That's my favorite. Whoopi keeps it real, Barbara gives it all some cred., Sherry is thoughtful and Joy is funny.

They owe that little pipsqueek Elisabeth Hasselbeck a lot for being such a good little young republican too. It really gets good when they talk politics, but I'm still glad the election is over and we got ourselves such an awesome president. Go Team America!

Right now, I'm still on the last hour of the Today show and Kathie Lee Gifford is crazy! At the beginning of the hour she started admonishing her co-host Hoda for snapping on her yesterday. They didn't show a clip, but she was really trying to put Hoda on the spot for being mean to her, except I think she was probably just being honest.

The worst part of all this is that I kind of see my mom acting in the same weird passive-aggressive way. I hate it and I don't understand why these broads can't just say what they mean,but Nooo, instead they just come at you with real testy questioning. Like they are baiting you, just so you will have to apologize for not being as sensitive as they would like. It is ridiculous and needy, and maybe if these women were really as confident and sexy as they like to pretend they are, they would be too busy to work so hard at looking for attention in such juvenile ways.

Speaking of "sexy," crazy Kathie Lee started talking about showing too much cleave yesterday and getting in trouble from the network for it. Then she said she got a little piece of fabric that is like a dickey for her tits. Except she made a big deal about it not being a dickey, then she pulled it out! She pulled it out, while she was talking about her cleave troubles-- and the next thing you know you can practically see her breastbone as she re-exposed the area where a younger woman would have cleavage. Her set is so deflated that it wasn't really a problem with showing her cleave, it was a problem with showing her breastbone/ribcage.

Bitch is crazy!

Obama is Awesome

I love the Obamas.

I am watching the news on CNN and the president and first lady were being filmed while speaking to a second grade class about what is is like to live in the White House.

“Well, it is a very old house, but it is one of the most important houses in the country” Mrs. Obama said, nodding her head up and down and smiling at the children. “So we feel a very great responsibility.”
“Not to break anything,” my president said, grinning.

"Yes, not to break anything," she agreeed.

I LOVE these people.

He was also just talking about getting a dog-- he said his family will probably wait until it is closer to spring.

"I think we decided the girls will probably be more inclined to walk the dog when it is warmer out," he said.
I am charmed.

Bonghits aren't bad.

In fact, some say they are good.



Michael Phelps looks like he's no virgin to the sticky-icky and it seems like he's been pretty successful, but lately everybody is making a big deal about this pic. He's released a respectable statement that ought to pacify some critics.

"I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment. I'm 23 years old and despite the successes I've had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again."

Some, of his critics have hushed, but not all. Little Elisabeth Hasselbeck had some smack to talk this morning, throwing out the role model card on The View.

In my humble opinion, this should pass, but I feel bad for the guy because I'm sure some people just won't let it drop. In the grand scheme of it all, its none of their business but because he is an athlete, things get dicey. As a long-time user of pot, in addition to other controlled substances, I will admit my bias in that direction, but I just don't see the problem with him smoking pot.

When was the last time pot helped anybody run faster? Would we have this problem if we saw him take a drag of a cigarette? If it's the legality thing that bothers some critics, 13 states have now passed law to legally 'tolerate' marijuana. I'm n0t sure if South Carolina (where the photo was taken, I believe) is one of them, but does it really matter? Some municipalities STILL have laws on the books about dancing. People do a lot of crazy shit that is illegal. People do a lot of crazy shit that is legal. The CDC reported that in 2006, 13470 people died in alcohol-related car accidents. Alcohol seems to be causing a lot of tangible losses, but clearly marijana is a problem in society. Is this what I'm supposed to believe.

How 'bout prescription drugs? Is it because big-name liquor, beer and pharmaceutical companies can lobby politicians with bigger and better perks than pot farmers, that much of the population is hooked on tranquilizers? Or anti-depressants? Or steroids? Or the sauce? And this is okay?


If we live in a society where people can LEGALLY take 'happy pills' (antidepressants?) I don't understand why marijuana has been the source of so much controversy. Marijuana is often my antidepressant, but I make no claims toward my own moral superiority. I'm flawed. So are the rest of you.


Some people argue this move was irresponsible because Phelps is a 'role model'. While I'm sure it is very flattering to be thought of as a role model (I don't think anyone has or will ever put that label on me) it must really suck to have people attack you for not living up to their standards of 'role model' behavior. The dude just wants to swim! He's good at it! Really good at it. He won a lot of medals because of his talent and drive to swim hard and fast. I don't think when he dives in, he's thinking about his responsibilty to the youth. That is such a 'mom' thing to expect.

The dude wants to swim, and people create role models because they are uncomfortable being themselves. These followers create a leader who didn't even run for the office. They expect their made-up role models to live up to the expectations the follwers have for themselves, forgetting that these are probably the expectations have made said follower into the person they don't want to be in the first place.

It's a vicious circle.

I'm over it.

Trippin'

Its February now. Time to pick up the pace with my plans. I should be getting a call to lock in my position in Denali and I really need to start planning this road trip.

For the first leg, Delaware to Oregon, I'm looking at:

Total Estimated Time: 44 hours 29 minutes

Total Estimated Distance: 2914.15 miles

Total Estimated Fuel Cost: $187.09

And this is before I factor in side trips/pit stops.

Haulin' it, we can make it in 4 days, averaging 11 hours a day. We will be traveling through/in close proximity to Baltimore, Maryland/DC; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania; Cleveland, Toledo, Ohio; Chicago, Illinois; South Bend, Indiana; Cedar Rapids, Iowa; Lincoln, Nebraska; Cheyenne, Wyoming; Salt Lake City, Utah; Boise, Idaho; PORTLAND, OREGON!!!

This is the first direct route Mapquest pulled up for me. I would love to go to a million different places, but I don't know if time will allow for those shenanigans. Probably not.

Depending on how we are doing, we might want to make it 5 days. We just have to figure out where to sleep. I'm not against sleeping in the car, but this is going to be a long 5 days and we will have to find some showers somewhere. We could treat ourselves to a hotel somewhere, but that will be a chunk of change I'd rather spend on something cooler.

In Portland, I have some friends who recently relocated and rave about it. I've been told it is a really cool place and somewhere I would fit well. Sounds cool. I was thinking of just completely going there after the summer in Alaska. I still might, but this time it will just be a stop to see my navigator's cousin and my friends, then we will be picking up with my friend from Fairbanks. He tells me he will be on his way back from a winter in Baja around the time I will be heading back to AK, so if at all possible, we will be doing a caravan for the second leg of the trip.

Portland to Denali National Park/Refuge

Total Estimated Time: 47 hours 6 minutes

Total Estimated Distance: 2610.83 miles

Total Estimated Fuel Cost: $181.19*

* In Canada, gas is AT LEAST twice the cost. Shit!

This is another 4 to 5 day haul, including crossing national borders, Twice! I will be heading toward Seattle, Washington; the crossing the border into Vancouver, British Columbia; then heading north through B.C., hitting up the Alaska Highway and heading through the Yukon Territory. From there, we cross back into the US in Alaska. Then there's only another 500 or so miles (abt 8 hours) to get to Denali.

Once again, I think the routes will be modified, but a sample itinerary may be:

Leg 1:

Leave (April 26) to Ohio/Indiana (600 miles?)

Day 2: Who knows... More to come.

Planning

I'm waiting for a call from my future employers in Alaska. It makes me a little nervous not to have things locked in, but I have to remind myself, it is still January.

The restaurant I'm returning to opens on May 9. That's roughly 3 1/2 months away.
I have some business to attend to.
So far:
*I've got my IPod.

This sucker is 120 gb! I don't even know that many songs, but since I'm really thinking of driving again, I will need to pack as many songs on there as possible. So far, I've filled up a little more than 27 gb. I have put 6152 songs on and I am out of CDs. I borrowed my friend's hard drive full of music and stuck that on too. That's where the bulk of the music came from, really. It was 2o gbs. I don't know how I'll fill almost 100 gb of space still left on the ipod. I don't care. It's there.

*I got my new computer.
It cost me roughly $1,000, but that's OK because it is a fine machine. Every time I look at the new computer-- a Sony Vaio I bought with a brand-new Circuit City credit card... Ha!-- it makes me happy. I'm sure the bills will come eventually, but I'll dispute the service pack since they are closed now. I'm also going to claim my new laptop on my taxes. After all, I am a freelance journalist, even if I lack the motivation to make a sizeable income from it.
I named her Sasha Fierce (yes, like Beyonce's new album, except fiercer!)

*I've already pulled my clips out of the thick STACKS of newspapers I wrote for, when I wrote for them.

I still need to:

*Put more of my favorite clips into PDF format.

*Contact the Fairbanks Daily News Miner re: freelancing in Denali.

*Go through inspection with my car? This way, in case I just keep roaming for a while after my summer in Alaska, I won't have to get my car tagged for another two years. This is reasonable, right?

*Get a new set of tires? I think mine are fine, but I'm not sure I shouldn't just go ahead and get another set. Alaska is pretty far away.

*Get rid of my furniture, but this is further down the line. I still need a bed to sleep in until April, right?*Pull my pictures off my old, demolished computer before I find a place to make that thing get out of my life.

I'm sure there is more, but I'm tired and this is enough for me, for now.